C Day

and it stands for China before I get any comments..

And yes , it’s different that an F Day. In a very funny discussion with my old boss we were discussing my love life. He advised that if I ever pulled and was shattered after a night of best sex ever, or even had a chance to have some during that day, as long as I had the nerve to ring up and request an F day he would give it to me as an extra holiday .. and if you don’t know what the F stands for then you need one more than I did at that point ...

Did I ever take one.. well.. that's another story..

I leave for China on Friday, I haven't packed, finished my washing, unpacking and I have yet to get my jabs. So all I can do when I asked if I am ready is smile sweetly and then panic inside...

A bottle of white wine really does help if you are feeling nervous as you soon don’t feel very much especially from the knees down. Why is it that you get drunk from legs upwards??

I look like a walking advert for Craghoppers crossed with a stuffed sausage as I have so many layers on. It won’t be a glamorous walk as far as I am concerned but at least we no longer have snow!!

Spare a thought for my knees from Sunday onwards and I will do the blog warts and all..
(I can’t find any marabou slippers.. well I can but £60 for walking the wall and no one to appreciate when I get home is far too much... and I can fall down my home stairs in socks so heels may not be a sexy look..)

Also, after the series of reports in the Evening Standard about poverty in London and the conditions that some children are growing up in it really does send the message clear on why I am also doing this.. Apart from the personal challenge I will be helping to raising money for kids that are not only ill or homeless but poor, abused, have limited opportunities and seem to be forgotten by many. The money will help improve their life through grass root projects. When you read about the Islington children’s pauper graves ( 6-8 to a grave) it makes you really sad.

So Thank You! From me and from Have a Heart for being really generous. Thank you to everyone that has made donations and supported me and told me that I am mad.

Now Feck Off and let me get back to my packing
Xx

http://www.doitforcharity.com/karentreksthegreatwall

Daft as a brush

Its 9 days until China. They are having freak snow and its looks bloody freezing.

I am terrfied, nervous and excited in equal measures... I know I will love it and have an amazing experience but this will make it all the tougher.

So if anyone has any x-men type talents with the weather can you have a word? I dont mind cold and sunny but no snow if possible....

This weekend will be spent in a state of panic doing last minute things like jabs etc.. yes - I know... and also trying to find half of my belongings from my house move.

In another moment of madness, after a bottle of wine, I have signed up to do the 10 10 10 Chicago Marathon. I don't even run for the bus and would probably jog to get George Clooney's attention so its an even bigger challenge..

Watch this space.. new blog " Bottle of wine and a morning run"??

Ethnic!?!

I just had to share this as I went to Streatham Common Sainsbury's last night for some food. I was having a wander around and remembering why I do on-line shopping normally .. people are just so oblivious and rude.. it's like the cry for the last ten minutes on earth has been called and people are desperate to stock up on loo rolls and sugar..

I saw an aisle that said " Ethnic Food" and amongst some great hot spicy sauces and polish products was a packet of .. yes.. have you guessed

Yorkshire Tea Bags....

I am from Lancashire so I understand that Yorkshire lads and lasses can be a bit odd but Ethnic???

I bought a packet ... I mean I like to broaden my horizons with new exotic foods. I will be looking for Eccles Cakes there next week....

Pie Week!

This is British Pie week... not that anyone would know as I cant believe it hasnt been in the papers...

So go out and eat that pie and feel no guilt at all.. make one and eat it all ... Pie eaters of the world unite...

It's ok - I think I am still in shock as just seen how much snowfall they have had on the Great Wall of China.....Its scarey ..and cold

Maybe I should just put a warm pie under each armpit?


Promises and Pie crust are made to be broken"
JONATHAN SWIFT

Alternative training

I move house in the morning and today my extensive training has consisted of eating a large donut from Patisserie Valerie

Its soooo good. Its the same size as a small child's head and it's now in my stomach

I just had to confess... and I know I will have another ...but just not today

Only in Oz!!

I got a lot of comments after my posts on gym gear and the running slow brigade....
This is from my mate from Oz and I dont yet think I can beat it !!!

"Talking about gyms, at one I used to attend a very frugal, overweight, middle aged man used to save on washing by wearing his white business shirt, saved on time and money shopping at a sports shop by tying a tea towel around his head, and using gardening gloves in the gym. He actually did invest in some shorts, but if I remember correctly, I think he also wore his work shoes."

He used to also huff and puff trying to use weights on the machines that were way too heavy for him so his technique was non-existent and I used to move away from him as I could see the clock ticking for the heart attack."

Love it - I 'm off to buy a tea towel!!!

ssshhh please dont wake me I'm on the treadmill

I know that today I don't have lots of energy. Infact I would go as far to say that I am knackered and could curl up in a little ball and have lots of dreams and dribble a bit. It’s probably because of the weather, the fact that I am trying to move, its 16 days until China and because I am in that sort of mood.

It’s terrible how guilty you can feel when you don’t go to the gym. It's worse than sitting in a confessional box as you don’t even get the chance to say an act of contrition to absolve you of all guilt until the next time you go. It’s just the guilt. I ate a big block of chocolate and I have not moved my arse from this chair guilt. The type that makes you worried as really you shouldn’t give a shit as the world won’t stop tilting on its axis. Just that your arse will expand...

I understand now why gym can be addictive. You really do feel good after a workout. You do have the burn and the post workout glow and that inner smiley feeling that it's ok to eat whatever you want " as you are burning it off". I never thought I would say this but I now love exercise. I'm not saying I'm brilliant just that I like pushing myself and seeing how I can improve. I feel guilty on days like today when I want to exercise harder but I feel so weak and tired I know that it’s pointless. My body needs some rest so I must obey.

Maybe this is why I get so frustrated when I see some people on machines that must have nothing else to spend their membership on!! And they are usually the skinniest ones!

I have seen someone going so slow on a bike that the display failed to recognise the movements. She was slumped over the side of the handles on the seated recliner and if she had gone any slower she would have stopped. The women using the lightest free weights so that they could sit and chat on the swiss balls. The lady who just stands on the powerplate (if she sat and smiled that would be another story). I have also seen a woman read a newspaper on a bike and almost fall off it every time she turned the sheet.

I am the last one to say that you must workout hard but why spend money on a gym just so you can say that you go 3 times a week for the status of it? I also don’t understand why the instructors won’t always come and help - maybe they can’t? I have seen one open mouthed at a South London gym so maybe they can’t actually say anything without being accused of harassment?

However, some people don’t know how to use anything in a health environment. I remember at a well known Canary Wharf gym a woman clad in a green thong bikini with sweat pouring off her kept telling my group of open mouthed friends in the sauna "OMG its sooooooo hot" as she threw buckets of water on the hot coals ...... I came out a size 8….

Today, I am tired but will have done 2.5 hours of exercise… oohh Pizza??

Forgive me Father for I have sinned .. and it was damn good with extra cheese and chillies

The year of being 40

Maybe it’s because I turn 40 this year... maybe it’s because I have finally lost it or if honest stopped caring about having it in the first place...

I have decided that this year is the year of Karen. The year when I put myself first and do things that I want to do even if I am scared, nervous or frightened. I know that sometimes I care more about what other people think than I care to admit and I am a damn more sensitive than people think.. and far too sensitive for a Northerner! But this is the year that I hope to say sod it and do it anyway. If it all goes wrong think of the stories for this blog.

My view is that if you don’t think you can do something then you won’t do it..because you will have never tried. Fear, mostly of what other people think, will take over..

So its the year of living, having fun, saying what I think, taking chances and of course please remind me I said this when I forget .. well I am turning 40.

I remember laughing at another lady who said she is just glad that at 40 she doesn’t pee herself when she laughs.. she doesn’t even need tena lady light. I stopped laughing when I realised that if my bladder ever weakens I laugh so much that I will need to constantly wear wellies .. Pilates anyone?

(I did originally type willies which has just made me laugh out loud.. wouldn’t be too bad eh...)

I think that turning 40 is one of the reasons why I am doing this Trek. I leave in less than 3 weeks, and I am really nervous. Will I do it? Will I fall on my arse down a slope taking someone with me in the process? Will I enjoy it? How much will my knees ache? I know I will love it and do the best that I can but the worries are still there ...

So maybe this is why I have just agreed to and paid for a beginners burlesque course. Not too bad I thought until I got the list through of what I will need. So apart from blister plasters and deep heat I will be looking for nipple tassels this weekend.

The course starts on my return from China so my sexy walk may be a painful hobble. The mental picture of me placing my leg elegantly on a chair to peel off a stocking is one that sees me lifting my own leg with both hands, making those "oompfh" sounds that you do when you get older and then having a rest when the stocking snags on my hobbit feet…

Dita Von Tease? More like Karen Fucked Knees…..

So yes... nipple tassles. long gloves, stockings and heels..... maybe a few days after 120k on the Great Wall was not such a great idea. But at least it will give my mate a laugh and you never know.. I could end up being bloody good at it ..though I think with what God gave me I may have to go gentle on the tassel twirling to make sure I don’t break any HSSE laws....

Ayup Spy

I have been told that I would make a terrible spy.

Well - I am not exactly subtle and I do have a laugh that could grate concrete and ok.. I'm clumsy, messy and noisey.....but wouldnt that make me a brilliant spy?

Who would suspect me? All spy's are sincere and stoney faced and very very serious.. well apart from Austin Powers but I do have better teeth ... maybe we need some who are funny, witty, clumsy and can laugh their way out of a situation??

Possible titles?
The Pie who loved me
The lass with the chip barm
From Blackpool with Love

And, of course, for any Chinese officials reading.. I am just a clumsy Northern lass

Work out or make out ??

Some people really make an effort to go to the gym. As I have said before I am not one of them … At 5.30 am I can barely look at myself let alone wonder if I am coordinated. The only hot look I manage is that of woman with a face like a baked cherry tomato.

A few women.. and men… at the gym really do look amazing and a few others look downright terrifying.. I hope that I look in between although I am sure that sometimes I look like the latter.

In some gyms it’s about looking good before you exercise. I have seen women do their hair and makeup before going to the gym floor. Personally, I always hope that I don’t meet anyone’s eye or see anyone I know !! But I am going to workout and not to make out …although of course I am always open to offers…

Gym attire?? I have seen the twins in their matching outfits complete with sequins, the lady who runs in a bra and running trousers rolled down so low over her hip bones that I know she has a good relationship with her waxer, the woman who decides that she doesn’t need to wear a sports bra, the man with hungry shorts that end totally up his arse crack as he runs and the bloke who doesn’t wear underwear in a yoga class and dangles his balls out the left hand side of his shorts….

I have also never forgotten the sight of the rather large man in tight cycle shorts that left nothing to the imagination. I was glad to be wearing glasses as I could have lost an eye. At one point during the class when he bent over infront of me I am sure that time actually stopped.

Some changing rooms are also interesting places. I remember at my old gym I had never seen such levels of flamboyant nakedness and I don’t think I am a prude. Naked ironing, legs up on mirrored counters to apply body lotion allowing the rest of us to see parts that maybe should be kept private. It was like a competition on who can be the most naked ever. I lost.

Luckily at my current local gym there is really wonderful friendly vibe. It really is more about what you are doing than who you could do. I don’t feel judged in what I wear and most of the outfits are similar to mine. Yes.. I know!

Lots of fun, training hints and they don’t even laugh too hard when I am so tired that I tell someone I am training for the “Grand National”….