4 Star Toilets, 5 star smell or to pee or not to pee.. that is the question...

Chinese toilets....

I have lived and worked in Greece so I am used to putting paper in the bin not down the loo itself.. I have even cleaned out those bins when we were busy at work and I have cursed the guests who used as I have seen some things that could frighten a mongoose ... and dealt with a case of the phantom wanker ...but even after all this nothing could prepare me for the smell of some of the toilets I faced on this trek...

I thank the god who made vicks vapour rub as otherwise entering the school toilet would have been impossible.. apart from 15 school children running into the toilets to watch you wee ... luckily they didn't see my arse as it's so white it may have scared them for life.. we were faced with drop pits with stand over holes and some of those kids had not been good aims... vicks under the nose may burn but its worth it!! I will now take it on every trip .. as well as vaseline...

On one of the last days I entered a tourist toilet that had a duvet covering the entrance. Not only was it acting as a door but it was keeping the warmth in as it was slightly chilly. This was also in the park that had a sign saying it was the most romantic park in the area.... believe me when I say if that was true you would not want to see the most unromantic park in that area. Maybe that is what they use to help keep the population down.... that and one condom in a room...

ahh yes.. the duvet.. a door and keeping the warmth in. When I pulled back the duvet I realised that it had probably been keeping the smell in since last season and quite possibly since the Mongol hoards themselves came over the hills looking for a place to pee and hook up in a nice little romantic area...

I almost lost an eyebrow and momentarily went blind when the first gust of toilet air hit me... those that went later on said it was ok so I feel like the person who first smelt the air of the Pharaohs tombs but hopefully I wont die in the curse of the Chinese toilet.. I was just glad I had gone easy on the spam that afternoon.... spam?? don't worry .. I will tell all later.. I just want to tease ...
The toilets themselves were clean but I was so dazed I didn't know if the foam in them was mold or a cleaning fluid...

I have never been to a country that advertises 4 star toilets... and lies.. 4 star!?!! from whom?? One toilet was nothing more than a bin liner placed into and over the top of the toilet bowl itself.. Portaloos are luxury compared to this.. I just kept thinking that some person has to empty this... this toilet by the way is near the zip slide so it is a main tourist toilet .. as the film Kenny states " It has a smell that will outlast religion..." or something...

Despite many options I decided I would pee au naturel ... toilet roll and scented nappy bag in hand (well in rucksack far away from the kendal mint cake) off I went along the wall.

Often in the distance a bare arse would be seen on part of the wall with the cry of "sorry ladies I cant stop peeing" and we once made a hawker man wish he had never popped his head through a tower as he spotted 4 ladies squatting.. he looked shocked and we never even bought a coffee from him....

Others used the she-pee and gained a new understanding when men say that its difficult to aim correctly.. Others used a travel John and just what those poor Chinese people will think when they find a large plastic bag thing with solidified urine and crystals in their bins I have no idea...

Luckily I didn't break the toilet... unlike my mate who deserved the nickname of Harpic as a plunger was often to be found outside her room and she became an expert in miming that the toilet was broken and IN NO INSTANCE was the lid to be lifted.. unfortunately they never understood her and lifted the lid anyway ....

Harpic not a bad nickname seeing that mine was Hogan... the glam one was High Society so I think she wins on those...

So yes - toilets. Grim. The guys even had a name for the necessities of life on the wall... honouring the great God Bum-Rah.. they advised us that they made daily offerings at her white temple and offered sacrifices in nature to ensure the safety of the group.

It may just have worked as none of us hurt ourselves..