Tourists

It was a sorry group that ended up in Tiananmen square the next day .. well , maybe that was just me. I could not face breakfast and so with warm coat on I went and joined the others to brave the day trip.

We had been warned not to worry if we were stared at. Most of the people in the square would be villagers who had come down for the day to pay their respects to Chairman Mao. I do have a watch with a face of Chairman Mao and the minute hands are of him waving.. it doesn't work anymore but it's brilliant ... Thanks Ric!

The villagers queue up from 6.30 am to see the Tomb and for some reason all wear the same hats to identify themselves as part of a group.

When you first see a group of 30 Chinese tourists all wearing Burberry caps you wonder what the hell was in the tequila and then realise, by the looks on other's faces, that you are either all having a joint hallucination.. or that it is real! Thirty Chinese Chav’s in Burberry…

Those taller than my perfect height just got stared at and pointed. They would look down to see people tugging on their jumpers and asking if they could have their photo taken with the giants. I was not in these photos..

They all loved poor Vik's hair .. he was treated like a rock star.

Looking around it was hard to imagine 1989 and the protests. There is still a lot of security in the area and lots of bag checks but this is worthwhile when you get into the Forbidden City. It is such a special sight and I would love to go back there and wander around the City and the Palaces.. when I am not hungover

It was I saw my first Bronze Dynasty Ding .. I wish it has been the Dong Dynasty…. but it wasn't.

The rest of the afternoon was spent at a silk factory.. amazing fabrics .. and then at an indoor market where you could buy genuine fakes for as little as you were able to barter them down to.

I was with Harpic who should be snapped up by worldwide organizations as a negotiator. This woman has a serious Poker face and does not back down. I was so impressed. Especially when she managed to get me a Chanel bag for £9…..

The fact that it is identical to a colleagues real one makes it even better.

The sales ladies met their match with Harpic.. she almost made one cry. They actually loved her. So did I.. see above with Chanel bag…

I was almost loosing the will to live in the market. I was hot, hungover and being grabbed to go and buy things . My duck down jacket had also managed to get a tear somewhere as I was looking like I had been attacked by a fox and was leaving a little trail of feathers where ever I went.

I still managed to get a good few bargains.. well Harpic did…

It was time to get ready .. It was Hard Rock café night …

Awards

We all washed, scrubbed up and got ready for dinner. It wasn't that far from the hotel and Beijing looks lovely at night.....

I managed to win a few awards which resulted in a lot of chocolate... yum!!

The back group also won an awards for motivation although I think Janet should have got a special award for the jump she did on Dr Doug.

After a "few" drinks we hit the town .. and boy did we do it ....

I am not sure if the bar knew what had hit it .. nor the romantic couple in the corner .. but soon the two people on the stage were joined by several others. Infact at one point they left the stage and Laurence ended up putting on a show..

Several tequilas were drunk, I gave someone a piggy back, ended up throwing tequila in my eye and having it licked off my cleavage.. just a normal night really

I felt wonderful the next day....

The End of the Fellowship

And so we came to the final day of walking. It would be a half day with optional zip slide and then back to Beijing for the farewell meal.

It was a very strange day in some ways as we ended up walking on a restored part of the wall. It didn't seem like the Wall that we had come to know and love. This was a really touristy part that was neat and tidy and wasn't anywhere near as crumbly.

It was manicured.

We did get some looks in our walking boots, poles and rucksacks. Looks as the other people we saw were wearing sandals and walking with their children and wearing normal jeans and T shirts. Damn British, always have to go over the top and prepare. We must have looked like Ray Mears wearing his best bushcraft outfit to go shopping at Tescos.

Maybe they were looking at us as we had spam and sultanas....

And so the trek ended with a spray of champagne, a few tears and lots of photos.. ooh and some cake!!

We did it! And we did it in style

All that remained was to get back and have a quiet celebration.....

Toboggan.......

Yes, a gentle toboggan ride from the top of the wall into the village below. How simple could it be?

Harpic had her nice pink jumper tied around her waist and thoughtfully cleaned the whole run as the jumper was black at the end.

The costumed attendants pointed at instructions, pull the stick up to slow down and push if you want to go faster hunny.

I was after Sharon and waited a little while so I could get a speed up. It was so much fun!!

As I rounded a corner there was Sharon. For some reason she had stopped and her toboggan was not going anywhere. Behind me I could hear the whoops of Emily and Tracy as they sped towards us.

Uttering a genteel Northern warning cry to the guys behind me I slowed down. Sharon has managed to get it going again but it kept slowing down. Emily's cries were soon right behind me and down we all went like a convoy being careful not to smash into each other.

The costumed men kept telling us to speed up or slow down and one even slapped poor Sharon.

We saw the end in sight and tried to slow down to avoid going straight through the barrier, down the steps and along the " high street" with bits of tat attaching themselves to us.

The Italian job had minis .. the Chinese job just had toboggans.

We caused chaos on a simple slide..

My sister had asked me if I could get a snake's penis carved into the shape of Jackie Chan but despite trying I couldn't find one anywhere.

We knew that civilization as we knew it .. well.. just American tourists.. was close.. as we spotted a Subway.

Steeeeeeeeeeeep

The next day when we did our warm ups apart from the pomps from passing cars, and things that were trying to be cars, we had an audience of Chinese men watching us..

Well, most of them had actually placed themselves behind Susi to watch as she bent over. Their smiles could be seen from space.

We set off down the road and through a local village that had traditional "communist" music being blared out for all the workers... lots of stares on both sides.

Today it was steep!!!With lots of hawkers trying to sell T shirts and drinks etc. I was even surprised by one that spoke to me in an Irish accent... I know that Riverdance is popular but I had no idea on the extent...

There was a sign on this part of the wall advising that due to the holes and rubble you needed to keep left. Great health and safety except it was the same sign at the top and the bottom....

A novel place for food

Normally we would eat in places near to or attached to the hotel.

One one night we had our food in what was a garden centre. The owner had been to the UK liked what he saw and decided to set up a garden centre come restaurant. It was lovely, even though we did get told off for hiding amongst the ferns.

We also had no idea where the toilets were so used our analytical skills and opened the door that had a dragon in it. No toilets but I now know the dragon is a sign for " open door to find Chinese man looking at you with open mouth on a sack of rice"

You have been warned.

Harpic and Hostage

With Anglo-Chinese relationships firmly established we carried on walking.
Some parts of the trek were on very high parts of the wall but we also had to walk across some ledges today. Again the views were humbling.

All of a sudden, like Mr Ben, a man selling tea, coffee etc would appear out of nowhere. The legend of English women and tea have obviously been spread and shouted from the roof tops.. I have no idea what they charged us but a hot cuppa tea was worth everything.

I even bought the most expensive snickers bar in the world. I savoured every mouthful. Which was one.

The ledges we crossed were narrow and you had to face the wall, hold on and shuffle across them. Usually at the end of the ledge we would clamber up a rock but I always felt safe as the guides blocked the worst of any drops and often pushed us up by the buttocks. Yes, weren't they lucky.

If I am honest I was more worried on slipping and taking them out!

The middle and backs group were on a ledge when we came to an abrupt halt. We had no idea why but we didn't really want to stuck on a narrow ledge hanging onto a wall.

Unbeknown to us at the front of the group was an angry Chinese Farmer with an axe. He said that one of the groups in front had taken photos of him and he was not best pleased at this violation.

Our front group swore blind it wasn't them so we blamed the only other group of people we had seen.. The Bloody Canadians...

The farmer was refusing to let us move past and we were being held hostage on the ledge. Poor Sharon's phone went off at this point.. it had the Avon doorbell as it's ring and was just what you need when you are pressed against the wall not looking at the drop thinking the wall is my friend I love the wall... This was not the time to put through a mascara order.

Eventually we were allowed to pass. It was only on the last night after a few tequilas that High Society started to show me some of her photos. She looked in horror when she realised that it she had caused the hostage situation. Despite swearing blind she had not one, but three photos of the farmer, including one in close up with him and the axe.. he didn't look a happy man....

Past the ledge and in the distance we saw another Chinese lady waiting for a group. We had literally just got rid of the others.

"Feck me" said Harpic " This one's fecking persistent"

Our Chinese guide smiled " This is my wife".