Thank You!

I just wanted to take the opportunity to say Thank You to everyone who sponsored me and helped me to do the tek. From sponsorship, lending of poles, beards grown to raise money and all the bets!

I couldn't have done it without you.

Thank you again
xxxx

It's been a Hard Rock Night ....

We arrived late and so sat at the front at the Hard Rock Café

Big Mistake

Next thing I know I am on stage.. and then it started.. another fun night indeed! The band were fantastic and had probably never witnessed this level on dancing outside of "You Tube". Thank you Vik!

It was also Earth Hour but we forgot and then wondered if someone had forgot a 50p for the meter

A few of us ended up back at the hotel. A few photos of sleeping guards were taken and we managed to drink a fair few bottles of Great Wall Red before we remembered we had an early start.. Luckily, we had a slice of spam for breakfast that day too.

We firmly established ourselves as back in the western world by having a club sandwich and chips at the airport. To be honest I could not eat at the other restaurant . Call me strange but I just couldn’t eat at the Mingge Oriental …

The flight back will go down as one of the funniest flights I have ever been on in my life. There were no individual screens on the Lufthansa flight and the screens on the plane showed the Invention of Lying and re-runs of 70's Kojak.. oh and a film about some guinea pigs…

German music.. well.. many channels.. no choice…

No much to do really for the Trekkers …..well… apart from have your photo taken with the woman in the hydrating mask, arrange a collection on the flight, get drunk, sleep talk and have a few more drinks…

I arrived back in London to find my cab driver could not find his way to Heathrow and so had to make alternative arrangements. I was not best pleased and more than a little grumpy and tired by this point.

Why is it that you always return to rain??

The fellowship was over, I had made friends for life, I had laughed so much and so hard that I should be able to bounce boiled eggs off my abs (I couldn’t as they were covered in a layer of spam), I had learnt so much and seen a beautiful country and raised money for a wonderful cause.

And due to the Vaseline my feet were in a better condition now then when I started.

Would I do it again ? NO, as it wouldn’t be the same. I think I was very lucky to be in this trek group. So many wonderful characters. I do miss them.

Would I suggest it to others? Hell Yes!

This is one of the best things I have ever done.

The Colonel

I am not one for junk food but I know that from living abroad you crave things that you don’t normally eat when in the UK.

When I lived in Chicago I craved Bird’s custard powder.

My Mum sent me some in the post, unfortunately for me she decided to take it out of the tin and send in a sealed plastic bag along with another sealed plastic bag of Yorkshire pudding mix.

Unfortunately as this was the time of the anthrax scares in the US just after 9/11.. Little packets of white powder being sent through the post in Jiffy Bags….

It took that parcel 3 months to get to me. I still now giggle when I think that there is a possibility that security were analysing the Bird's...

“We don’t know what it is Sir but is turns a yellow not known in the natural world when you add milk…”

I have no idea what they thought of the Yorkshire pudding mix. At least she didn't try and send me a packet of Aunt Bessies.. or some mushy peas.

A diet of rice, veg and spam can become a little monotonous after 10 days and I was craving some “normal“ food. I don’t even know why I say normal. I was just craving something that wasn’t rice.

On the way back to Beijing we saw a KFC. The bags were left and we braved life and limb to cross roads and get to that KFC. It was delicious- I know. But it really was. Even High Society loved her cold chips.

Silence fell across the group of 8 that had made the trek as we ate fried chicken chips and ice cream. A guilty pleasure.. a bit like me having a soft spot for Jeremy Clarkson.. it's wrong.. but you just can't help it...

Vik captured the mood entirely when he stood up and saluted the Colonel.

All that was needed was Birds Custard Powder.

Tourists

It was a sorry group that ended up in Tiananmen square the next day .. well , maybe that was just me. I could not face breakfast and so with warm coat on I went and joined the others to brave the day trip.

We had been warned not to worry if we were stared at. Most of the people in the square would be villagers who had come down for the day to pay their respects to Chairman Mao. I do have a watch with a face of Chairman Mao and the minute hands are of him waving.. it doesn't work anymore but it's brilliant ... Thanks Ric!

The villagers queue up from 6.30 am to see the Tomb and for some reason all wear the same hats to identify themselves as part of a group.

When you first see a group of 30 Chinese tourists all wearing Burberry caps you wonder what the hell was in the tequila and then realise, by the looks on other's faces, that you are either all having a joint hallucination.. or that it is real! Thirty Chinese Chav’s in Burberry…

Those taller than my perfect height just got stared at and pointed. They would look down to see people tugging on their jumpers and asking if they could have their photo taken with the giants. I was not in these photos..

They all loved poor Vik's hair .. he was treated like a rock star.

Looking around it was hard to imagine 1989 and the protests. There is still a lot of security in the area and lots of bag checks but this is worthwhile when you get into the Forbidden City. It is such a special sight and I would love to go back there and wander around the City and the Palaces.. when I am not hungover

It was I saw my first Bronze Dynasty Ding .. I wish it has been the Dong Dynasty…. but it wasn't.

The rest of the afternoon was spent at a silk factory.. amazing fabrics .. and then at an indoor market where you could buy genuine fakes for as little as you were able to barter them down to.

I was with Harpic who should be snapped up by worldwide organizations as a negotiator. This woman has a serious Poker face and does not back down. I was so impressed. Especially when she managed to get me a Chanel bag for £9…..

The fact that it is identical to a colleagues real one makes it even better.

The sales ladies met their match with Harpic.. she almost made one cry. They actually loved her. So did I.. see above with Chanel bag…

I was almost loosing the will to live in the market. I was hot, hungover and being grabbed to go and buy things . My duck down jacket had also managed to get a tear somewhere as I was looking like I had been attacked by a fox and was leaving a little trail of feathers where ever I went.

I still managed to get a good few bargains.. well Harpic did…

It was time to get ready .. It was Hard Rock café night …

Awards

We all washed, scrubbed up and got ready for dinner. It wasn't that far from the hotel and Beijing looks lovely at night.....

I managed to win a few awards which resulted in a lot of chocolate... yum!!

The back group also won an awards for motivation although I think Janet should have got a special award for the jump she did on Dr Doug.

After a "few" drinks we hit the town .. and boy did we do it ....

I am not sure if the bar knew what had hit it .. nor the romantic couple in the corner .. but soon the two people on the stage were joined by several others. Infact at one point they left the stage and Laurence ended up putting on a show..

Several tequilas were drunk, I gave someone a piggy back, ended up throwing tequila in my eye and having it licked off my cleavage.. just a normal night really

I felt wonderful the next day....

The End of the Fellowship

And so we came to the final day of walking. It would be a half day with optional zip slide and then back to Beijing for the farewell meal.

It was a very strange day in some ways as we ended up walking on a restored part of the wall. It didn't seem like the Wall that we had come to know and love. This was a really touristy part that was neat and tidy and wasn't anywhere near as crumbly.

It was manicured.

We did get some looks in our walking boots, poles and rucksacks. Looks as the other people we saw were wearing sandals and walking with their children and wearing normal jeans and T shirts. Damn British, always have to go over the top and prepare. We must have looked like Ray Mears wearing his best bushcraft outfit to go shopping at Tescos.

Maybe they were looking at us as we had spam and sultanas....

And so the trek ended with a spray of champagne, a few tears and lots of photos.. ooh and some cake!!

We did it! And we did it in style

All that remained was to get back and have a quiet celebration.....

Toboggan.......

Yes, a gentle toboggan ride from the top of the wall into the village below. How simple could it be?

Harpic had her nice pink jumper tied around her waist and thoughtfully cleaned the whole run as the jumper was black at the end.

The costumed attendants pointed at instructions, pull the stick up to slow down and push if you want to go faster hunny.

I was after Sharon and waited a little while so I could get a speed up. It was so much fun!!

As I rounded a corner there was Sharon. For some reason she had stopped and her toboggan was not going anywhere. Behind me I could hear the whoops of Emily and Tracy as they sped towards us.

Uttering a genteel Northern warning cry to the guys behind me I slowed down. Sharon has managed to get it going again but it kept slowing down. Emily's cries were soon right behind me and down we all went like a convoy being careful not to smash into each other.

The costumed men kept telling us to speed up or slow down and one even slapped poor Sharon.

We saw the end in sight and tried to slow down to avoid going straight through the barrier, down the steps and along the " high street" with bits of tat attaching themselves to us.

The Italian job had minis .. the Chinese job just had toboggans.

We caused chaos on a simple slide..

My sister had asked me if I could get a snake's penis carved into the shape of Jackie Chan but despite trying I couldn't find one anywhere.

We knew that civilization as we knew it .. well.. just American tourists.. was close.. as we spotted a Subway.